Prepare to Die, Banana!

Poison of Choice: Well's Banana Bread Beer

Type of Beer: Fruit/Vegetable Beer

You know what this reminded me of? Those commercials for Yo plait dessert flavor yogurts. For those people who simply cannot live without sweets, they switch to yogurt as a substitute because the flavors are now so similar. Well's Banana Bread Beer works like that. You hungry for some sweets? Grab this beer instead. It's practically the same damn thing.

This amber colored ale haves a fantastic banana-y aroma. When poured at that classic 45 degree angle and at moderate speed, a small head of foam appears at the top of the glass. The beer itself was slightly creamy, a tiny bit bitter from the hops, and lightly carbonated. It was like liquid banana bread in my mouth. Nice, silky and smooth. 

For those watching their weight, this may not be the BEST choice, but i'm sure it has a lot less calories. But, you have to admit... the after effects of a couple of these is going to be better than any thing banana bread can produce.

Let's Skip Through the Wildflowers Tonight

Poison of Choice: Wolaver's Organic Wildflower Wheat

Type of Beer: Organic Pale Ale

Wednesday night Nikki and I got stood up by practically everyone we know. We were all supposed to go out as a big group to this thing called "Funk Night", and everyone was down for it, until the last 15 minutes  left for bail-out-ability. Ah well. The kids can't handle going out with work in the morning! So instead of dancing to some funky tunes, Nikki and I ran down to the local packy looking for a lighter beer to compliment our plantains soon-to-be delightful tostones. Nikki's eyes started to glow when she saw organic on the label. Beer - purchased. 

This Vermont's own "Fine Organic Ale" is brewed with pure Vermont honey and chamomile. The best damn tea-beer hybrid you'll ever fine. You can definitely detect the flavors in each sip. The smell is out of this world  too- so fresh and so fine. Ow Ow!

The only thing I didn't particularly care for was the fleeting flavor. I can't say too much for this beer because after each sip, I forgot what it tasted like. I kept looking up to the sky and thinking, "hmmmm, did I even take a sip?" It's a very light brew and their is not even a hint of bitterness. The perfect summer ale for the novice beer drinker.

Welch's Finest Phony Lager!

Poison of Choice: Wild Blue

Type of Beer: Premium Blueberry Lager

The guy at the TF Green liquor store specifically told me that this was his favorite blueberry beer. He said three of them will have you on your ass and will fill you right up. The perfect beer for a blueberry lover. I had to take his advice. He seemed so knowledgeable.

Since this was my...fourth beer of the night, any type of drink was starting to look good. I wasn't being picky anymore, like I was with that damn "Smashed Blueberry" business. The second I started to pour this beer I was in awe. A deep red, purplish color just started to gush out of my beer bottle and into my glass. It shocked me. It wowed me. I was instantly attracted, slightly confused, but insanely interested in what was sitting in my pint glass.

The smell....was something else. Sugary sweet. Almost impossibly sweet. It smelled like a cold and alcoholic blueberry pie. I was concerned that this flavor may be so sweet that it would overpower the actual flavor of the lager.

I was right. It did. While I have to admit I initial enjoyed the flavor, it was just too damn sugary, I thought I was drinking a grape juice. It didn't tasted anything like a beer at all.

In conclusion, it wasn't BAD. It was actually quite tasty. Unfortunately, this taste had nothing to do with beer whatsoever. A heavily alcoholic wine spritzer, perhaps? I don't know. I might get it again, but certainly not if I'm looking to indulge in a decent beer. Better luck next time, Anheuser-Busch!

Smashing Baby!

Poison of Choice: Shipyard Smashed Blueberry

Type of Beer: Hybrid Porter / Scotch Ale

Who couldn't love that face?

I've been a busy little bee children. And all I had to quench my thirst for practically a week was Guinness. I know! I'm in love and apparently too lazy to drive and get something new. BUT! I recognized that it was time to switch it up again. Tonight on my way home from my night class, I stopped at the liquor store near the TF Green Airport - it was ultra convenient. The staff was surprisingly knowledgable and gave me tons of interesting new, relatively cheap, beers to try. (Expect more posts to follow soon!) So, now I have about 5 or 6 new beers sitting in the fridge waiting to be tasted.

I had to start off with the most appealing - to me. I'm a huge sucker for marketing and blueberries, so this beer just called my name with a soft, soft, whisper. "Kristttennnn, bluueeeeberrrieessss! SMASHED blueeeebberrriiesss. MmmMmmmMmmmm." I hate when beers start talking to me - it's usually a sign to throw in the towel. But alas, I swiped my debit card instead.

Beer and Ethiopian food...nomnomnom.

So tonight, I sit down with some fantastic Ethiopian take out (honestly, go get some. I don't care where...just do it) and this sexy hybrid porter/scotch ale. I have to say that my hopes were extremely high for this beer. The man at the register nodded in approval at my choice. The $8.99 price tag almost made me put it down though - that's a bit much I think for a pint...anywhere.


I didn't know what to make of this beer right off the bat. When poured, it has a dark color with a hint of red that can be seen at the bottom of the glass. The smell only had a small smidgen of blueberry essence. I instantly wondered if I had made a poor choice. On first sip, I drew back. It was a bit sweet with a hard sharp strange flavor, almost like a whiskey or something. I could detect some chocolate undertones? Maybe? I think so. Barely any blueberry flavor in the actual beer. The hops made it extremely bitter in flavor throughout.

I'm going to be honest with you, folks. I was not impressed. I felt like this beer was just trying way too hard. I actually ended up saving it for the boy when he showed up later on in the evening because I just couldn't deal with it. I ended up just drinking another Guinness to wash away the terrible flavor.

Damn. The packaging had me so fooled.

Hardly a "Vanilla" Beer

Poison of Choice: Breckenridge Brewery's Vanilla Porter

Type of Beer: Porter

Last night in the name of homework, I met up with my best gal pal Nikki for a couple drinks after one of my late night summer classes. We decided to venture to the Wickenden Pub, just a short skip from her apartment. What was meant to just be a normal outing for us turned out to be quite the little party. Our old friend from high school decided to meet up with us before he traveled back to California and Nikki's new beau ended up showing up as well.  The night was basically drinking a ton of great beer and non-stop tasteless, obnoxious jokes. Awesome, right?

My first drink of the night was something that just called to me. The word "VANILLA" sprawled out on the handle of tap made me eager to try it more than anything else. I'm a sucker for vanilla, honestly. This beer did not disappoint! Although the actual flavor the beer was that deep hoppy bitterness I love so much, the aroma of vanilla was distinct and sexy. Like a Yankee Candle.

Ain't she a beaut?

After doing a little research, I figured out what was the only thing "wrong" with it. I put wrong in quotations because normally I'm not that much a stickler on temperatures and I still think the beer was excellent. During my first sip, all I could think about was how surprised I was because of the frigid temperature of the porter. According to Rate My Beer, a Porter should be "cool", approximately 45 -54 degrees Fahrenheit  What I received was downright chilly. As I said early, it was still fantastic. Only a snob would turn down this drink because it's just too damn cold.

Any who, great beer. Would definitely recommend it. Till next time, folks.

A Curious Traveler of Sorts...

Poison of Choice: Curious Traveler 

Type of Beer: Shandy

The most delightful beer of the evening, without a doubt. This cloudy apple juice looking beverage just blew me away. Correctly labeled a shandy, the Curious Traveler beer has a robust citrus aroma and flavor. It tasted like someone took a handful of oranges and ground them up vigorously in my drink. I loved it. It smelt so good, I actually snorted it up my nose. Juicy when snorted, refreshing when devoured.

What I really found interesting was the density of the liquid. Somehow, the beverage had a higher density then anything else I can remember drinking. Each sip felt like a gulp. A gulp would make me drowned. I don't know how else to describe it - it was a thicker liquid. It was awesome and unique. I appreciated the quality. 

I've never seen this drink available elsewhere, though I'm sure it is. Keep an eye out for sure. If all else fails, head down to Wickenden's Pub for a Curious Traveler. It's worth the $6.25 price tag.

Cha - cha - cha- CHEERS!

When in Lebanon...

Poison of Choice : Almaza

Type of Beer: Pilsner

Because I was slightly behind on this blogging ordeal, I had to drink a few times today, not that I'm really complaining. This afternoon, for my lovely friend Shannon's belated birthday present, I took her out for hookah time and I tried something I've never experienced before: Lebanese beer. I never really thought about it before. It didn't cross my mind that they had their own style. I simply had to try it. One Almaza, please!

The bartender explained to me that the traditional way of drinking this beverage is with a lemon syrup of some sort and salt of the rim. I was all for the full Lebanese experience. When in Lebanon, yeah know? I have to say, this experience was relatively lack luster. This extremely pale lager had no distinct flavors outside the salt and lemon, which were added to the beer. Perhaps it holds no true value outside of what is added to it? I felt like it was similar to drinking a very cheap lager, just dressed up as something fancy. A disappointment actually. 

I'm not saying it's bad - absolutely not. It was quite tasty. I would choose sugar instead of salt though, I think. That had me squeezing my eyes shut in salty horror. It was definitely a delicious beer, just a light one with no really significant flavor. I would choose something else if you're looking for a more hearty experience, because you won't find it here. But of course, if you want to tote around the badge of honor for drinking a Lebanese beer, as I'm sure some people probably do - go right ahead. You won't be disgusted, at least.

It's a bit early for blueberry season, but...

Poison of Choice: Newport Storm Blueberry

Type of Beer: Fruit/Vegetable Beer

My stars. What a delicious, refreshing, mouthwatering, orgasm-inducing flavor. Made with only the best blueberries available from Schartner Farms in Exeter RI, this beer aims to please. Not one sip of the three Newport Storm Blueberry's that I had tonight offer any sort of bitter residue in my mouth. It was just right. The perfect outdoor, sitting by the pool, spring/summer time beer.

This is not my first time around the blueberry beer rodeo, and I'd like to make some other suggestions.

Union Station Brewery Blueberry - When they start making blueberry again, be the first in line to grab a pint. Honestly, this stuff is that good. It's a darker beer than the Newport, a bit stronger too. The bartenders put a handful of fresh blueberries in the bottom of your class and that really just makes it for me. Take a growler home while your at it.
Wachusett Blueberry - So very tasty and the flavor is really on spot. Worth a gander.
Sea Dog Blueberry - Not only is the dog really adorable on the case, this beer is really excellent. Definitely try it one day if you get the chance.

Till next time, folks.

Let's Start Off with a Bang, Shall we?

Poison of Choice : Guinness Draught

Type of Beer: Irish Dry Stout

It was on a fine autumn day that I was introduced to such a fine beverage. I studied abroad in England back in the fall semester of 2011 and my main goal was to get drunk almost every single day. I was 20 at the time, and this was my method of getting back at the American system - destroying my liver one beer at a time in foreign countries. It was a fine endeavor I set out to accomplish and one I will never regret.

My adorable English friend Laura set out to right my oh so wrong opinions about the Irish beverage. I had tasted a sip of Guinness in a past life and immediately deemed it to be garbage. Worse than any sort of Coors Light or PBR. At the time, I could barely finish the bottle. Perhaps I wasn't introduced to it the right way. Perhaps it wasn't poured correctly. All I know is that my first "true" sip of this luxury beverage was at a rugby match between the Scotland and Reading teams . Laura's on the left in that picture. The drunk version of me is on the right. 

After this first true encounter, I had a sort of love affair with all things Guinness. I purchased a pint during every outing just as a warm up. It was my go-to drink when the times got tough or I simply wanted to warm my insides. What a man could not do, Guinness always could. As the signs throughout the Guinness Factory in Ireland told me repeatedly, Guinness was and always will be good for me and it has the power to make me happy and strong. Don't mind if I agree with that statement and take a sip of your magic elixir of life.

This, of course, leads me to today. I'm 22 years old now, still chugging Guinness on the regular. Just last night, I drowned my soon-to-be-unemployed work related sorrows in a can of this wonderful stout at the Dueling Pianos lounge in Providence. There's something about the flavor that really makes your feel like you're having a worth while beverage. Maybe its the strong, rich flavor you get in every sip. Maybe it's that classic chocolate-ity taste everyone always comments on. Personally, I think that thick head of foam is what draws me in. When poured correctly, Guinness is a masterpiece.

I learned about the methods of pouring back in Ireland. According to the company, it should take about two minutes to pour the beer. This means you have to apply a little time and effort into this. You have to set forth the method of the "double pour". 

As with most beers, hold the glass at a 45 degree angle while pouring. At the three quarter mark - STOP. The idea is to let the nitrogen in the beverage to settle. This will allow those wonderful bubbles to make that creamy, delicious white head. You have to allow the beer to settle. Once your Guinness is completely black beneath the head, it's time to finish off your glass by pouring straight down into the glass - no angles. Next step is to enjoy. Stop reading this, and go grab yourself one. And make sure either you or the bartender pours it right. It honestly makes all the difference. 

See, I passed! So can you.